This was an interesting week and I learned some interesting things....
1) Nine Inch Nails and piano bars do not mix...something about hearing a cabaret lounge singer going "I want to F you like an animal" just does not seem right..
2) Having conversations with friends that involve 35 pounds if meat and androgenous tiawanese boys are soooo wrong...right Nyxie?
3) Some people pick very funny lines to draw when they choose sides and they do not need to
4) While it may be cold and windy here at 5 am it's still colder in Chicago and it's why I run inside..it does not however make it suck any less to have to get up and run in it at 5....
5)Catching up with old friends can be excellent and the fact that the rum cam will be working makes it all the better...rum and the rum cam lead to very funny possibilities like falling into the pool..has not happened yet but I am waiting
6) White boys wearing their jeans around their thighs do not look gangster..they look like they should be wearing football helmets and be waiting for the short bus
7) There are marshmallows in my life..they walk and breathe and are fun to poke randomly..they are soft and mushy and absorb it well
..and yes I did type this while at the gym :)
Monday, March 30, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
It's Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, Tuesday.. things I've learned
Fuck, here comes a doozie
1) It is bad to offer Red Bull and/or Scotch to Mormons in Salt Lake City's airport but can be exceedingly funny in ways one just has to see to believe. Let them try to explain why Red Bull is bad as your downing a 16 oz can of it and babbling incoherently in your own head from caffeine overload
2)it appears to be ok when you talk to Jesus but if the fucker answers you may be schizophrenic.. especially if he says you should not take your meds, or work, or repackage meat...more to follow
3)Parents in themselves may be wonderful and the superheroes of our youth but even superheros rust, their images tarnish and fade to a satiny luster of the exemplified image we held them in while younger. They become a slower, older version of themselves and at the same time may serve as a reminder to what we should and should not do in our quest to finally grow up
4) Those same parents may still teach us a thing or two about tolerance and understanding. I realize i will never be the man my father is. i am intolerant, inpatient, unwilling and unyielding compared to him. I will never accept things he does, I will never be able to do things he does and will probably never stop learning from him
5) Living on Red Bull for 5days will lead to 2 things weight loss and acting like a prick to damm near everyone who crosses your path on the 4th or 5th day. Sometimes it happens while at work and the results can be amusing as hell though. Just ask Captian Kirk aka "the chair commander"
6) Some friends have much more insight to things than I thought. J is one of them. Sometimes the patience that is displayed with the flakiness I can profoundly have is nice.
7) Running red lights appears to be an olymic sport native to Las Vegas and frankly it scares me
8)I found that it truly sucks to have to split up 35 pounds of meat and carry it down a flight of stairs and it sucks even more if you've paid for the meat too.. why 35 pounds of meat? why not?
I know .. why not 30 pounds or maybe 40? nope.... 35 seems to work out well
9) sometimes yoga is not the eye opening way to clear your head I figured it was always going to be.. sometimes it's just not hot enough to force everything out of your head, to clear the air or maybe i just need to work harder..who knows?
10)Yelling at asain drives who are going 10 under the speed limit while everyone elseis going 10 over can be rewarding..so much so thatyou may need to yell through a closed winmdow, over your stereo and towords thier closed window..bonus points if you imagine the hear you.
11) I've also discovered the secret to peace in the middle east...every other friday make the Jews, The Muslims and the Christians get together for cheeseburgers, fries and shakes. This meal violates everyones food doctrine and maybe since they are all sinning they will talk about real things? I was going to say fish tacos but who doesn't like a good fish taco, preferable from Baja Fresh?
1) It is bad to offer Red Bull and/or Scotch to Mormons in Salt Lake City's airport but can be exceedingly funny in ways one just has to see to believe. Let them try to explain why Red Bull is bad as your downing a 16 oz can of it and babbling incoherently in your own head from caffeine overload
2)it appears to be ok when you talk to Jesus but if the fucker answers you may be schizophrenic.. especially if he says you should not take your meds, or work, or repackage meat...more to follow
3)Parents in themselves may be wonderful and the superheroes of our youth but even superheros rust, their images tarnish and fade to a satiny luster of the exemplified image we held them in while younger. They become a slower, older version of themselves and at the same time may serve as a reminder to what we should and should not do in our quest to finally grow up
4) Those same parents may still teach us a thing or two about tolerance and understanding. I realize i will never be the man my father is. i am intolerant, inpatient, unwilling and unyielding compared to him. I will never accept things he does, I will never be able to do things he does and will probably never stop learning from him
5) Living on Red Bull for 5days will lead to 2 things weight loss and acting like a prick to damm near everyone who crosses your path on the 4th or 5th day. Sometimes it happens while at work and the results can be amusing as hell though. Just ask Captian Kirk aka "the chair commander"
6) Some friends have much more insight to things than I thought. J is one of them. Sometimes the patience that is displayed with the flakiness I can profoundly have is nice.
7) Running red lights appears to be an olymic sport native to Las Vegas and frankly it scares me
8)I found that it truly sucks to have to split up 35 pounds of meat and carry it down a flight of stairs and it sucks even more if you've paid for the meat too.. why 35 pounds of meat? why not?
I know .. why not 30 pounds or maybe 40? nope.... 35 seems to work out well
9) sometimes yoga is not the eye opening way to clear your head I figured it was always going to be.. sometimes it's just not hot enough to force everything out of your head, to clear the air or maybe i just need to work harder..who knows?
10)Yelling at asain drives who are going 10 under the speed limit while everyone elseis going 10 over can be rewarding..so much so thatyou may need to yell through a closed winmdow, over your stereo and towords thier closed window..bonus points if you imagine the hear you.
11) I've also discovered the secret to peace in the middle east...every other friday make the Jews, The Muslims and the Christians get together for cheeseburgers, fries and shakes. This meal violates everyones food doctrine and maybe since they are all sinning they will talk about real things? I was going to say fish tacos but who doesn't like a good fish taco, preferable from Baja Fresh?
Friday, March 20, 2009
Jesus I hate you..why can't we get along?
Dear Jesus,
For christ's sake please stop telling people I know to stop taking thier meds. i know you get all twisted and stuff around your holiday but is it really necessary to be such a prick? We all know that there are weird things you do but can ya leave the BIO alone so I can sleep like a normal person? Can't you go cause a plague on Dells call center in Dehli or something instead? I would even be happy with making all Sprint techs have polka dots for a week...and they can be multi colored and sized.
We al face challenges and yours involved an involuntary tan and some hellacious piercings but dammitt man I had no part in it and woulda used duct tape..can't you take that into consideration please?
I mean really ya got your own jewlery line although seeing it would be like giving jackie kennedy a gun pendant but what the hay?, a fuckload of real estate holdings which even in this market are worth some coin and hundreds of biographies.. cmon what more could a person want? All I want is for the BIO to be a little more sane.
Do we have a deal?
For christ's sake please stop telling people I know to stop taking thier meds. i know you get all twisted and stuff around your holiday but is it really necessary to be such a prick? We all know that there are weird things you do but can ya leave the BIO alone so I can sleep like a normal person? Can't you go cause a plague on Dells call center in Dehli or something instead? I would even be happy with making all Sprint techs have polka dots for a week...and they can be multi colored and sized.
We al face challenges and yours involved an involuntary tan and some hellacious piercings but dammitt man I had no part in it and woulda used duct tape..can't you take that into consideration please?
I mean really ya got your own jewlery line although seeing it would be like giving jackie kennedy a gun pendant but what the hay?, a fuckload of real estate holdings which even in this market are worth some coin and hundreds of biographies.. cmon what more could a person want? All I want is for the BIO to be a little more sane.
Do we have a deal?
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wanna eat my meat?
So in my travels through Chicago I ended up going shopping for my father and the B.I.O. I am not sure how but I managed to spend $300 or so on food which makes my family an expensive date as the airfare and car rental was $500 and the new computer I bought them was another $500 +. Part of what I bought today was was about 30 pounds of meat as the food bank does not give out meat and this way they have weeks worth. What peturbs me is the fact that I also have the great joy of seperating and bagging said 30 pounds of meat as the B.I.O. could not handle doing this (she does not work and has not for a while) and simply put it all in fridge where the bagging gods could do thier mitzvah for the day and it would be magically done before it all spoiled (not). Now don't get me completely wrong but dammit.. her own daughter who is 20 MINUTES away doesn't help and her primary example of how to live shows why she won't help...the diatribe in my head needs to just be quiet and hide..I need a beer and a steak (which although she was going to cook will now be done by me) and I think I'll be settling for a Diet Dr. Pepper and McDonalds
Welcome to Chicago...jump inthe water is warm
Welcome to Chicago...jump inthe water is warm
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
"Leavin on a jet plane..."
But i know when ill be back again..on saturday night s-s-s-saturday night. I'll post how it goes in the town of joseph smith or whatever the fuck that mormon guys name is.. I am going to ask the missionaries at the airport about plural marriage and tell them my wife wants a second husband which should throw them. I will also ask if they believe in zombies and if I convert can I eat bacon on a bagel with cream cheese without it being a sin *nods n all*.. updates to follow
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
St. Pats in Hades South....what I've learned...
So for St. Pats here are some things I've learned....
Wearing green does not make you Irish, less of an asshole, more attractive to the opposite sex (unless you are wearing hundred dollar bills), more confident...nor is it slimming...for anyone
Now for the fun...
1) Some people do not appreciate the apparant randomness of my numbering so I will use commas instead,,,,I think they will like that more?
2) I learned that some of my friends are not above being groped to get a pink Iphone that is normally reserved as a gift for 12 year old androgenous Tiawanese boys,,, and if she ever visits I will find an androgenous Tiawaneswe boy to measure her inseam
3) I learned there is a zOmbie burlesque show here in Vegas (really, think Mormons go Goth?) And that sone people must go... Run Nyxie run to the goth mormon side
4)Ilearned that with simple things like a latex glove and a sharpie you can make a mascot called "Ooops I got fucked by my job" and you don't need lube at all...or drinks...or an androgenous Tiawaese boy to ease the pain...you can just send your mascots pic to friends....
5) Today I learned that while Subway is good a nice philly cheese steak kicks ass!
6) Waiting to go on vacation sucks....nuff said...although I have been asked for weird souviners...
7) I learned what a roflcopter is (google it hard to explain) but its better than a don't cry for me argentina...
8) I learned that I can take and send video on my phone, especially of oh... An androgenus Tiawanese boy measuring an inseam for a pink Iphone
Wearing green does not make you Irish, less of an asshole, more attractive to the opposite sex (unless you are wearing hundred dollar bills), more confident...nor is it slimming...for anyone
Now for the fun...
1) Some people do not appreciate the apparant randomness of my numbering so I will use commas instead,,,,I think they will like that more?
2) I learned that some of my friends are not above being groped to get a pink Iphone that is normally reserved as a gift for 12 year old androgenous Tiawanese boys,,, and if she ever visits I will find an androgenous Tiawaneswe boy to measure her inseam
3) I learned there is a zOmbie burlesque show here in Vegas (really, think Mormons go Goth?) And that sone people must go... Run Nyxie run to the goth mormon side
4)Ilearned that with simple things like a latex glove and a sharpie you can make a mascot called "Ooops I got fucked by my job" and you don't need lube at all...or drinks...or an androgenous Tiawaese boy to ease the pain...you can just send your mascots pic to friends....
5) Today I learned that while Subway is good a nice philly cheese steak kicks ass!
6) Waiting to go on vacation sucks....nuff said...although I have been asked for weird souviners...
7) I learned what a roflcopter is (google it hard to explain) but its better than a don't cry for me argentina...
8) I learned that I can take and send video on my phone, especially of oh... An androgenus Tiawanese boy measuring an inseam for a pink Iphone
Saturday, March 14, 2009
In lieu of failure friday here's some things i learned
Ohhh it's been a fun couple of days living on the 13th ring of hell..so much in fact I have a special "things I've learned" (Chaos style)
1) In some circles it is ok to offer an androgenous 12 year old Tiawanese boy to a coworker as stress relief....not legal but ok?
2)When in a bar with 2 coworkers who have slept with the same manager it is hysterical to hear one tell the other "don't I always hook you up?"...moreso when you realize they do not know you know
3)There will be a new I Phone and it will come in pink and it may be given as a gift to androgenous Tiawanese boys
4)It may be great to lose weight but having to go clothes shopping amonst all the ingorant fucks here sucks and no, for the fourth time, I do not need my inseam measured..not even for an iphone, even if it is pink
5)People who give sarchasm (yes that's spelled right) need to be able to take it back or they too may be offered the androgenous tiawanese boy, a coke and a smile
1) In some circles it is ok to offer an androgenous 12 year old Tiawanese boy to a coworker as stress relief....not legal but ok?
2)When in a bar with 2 coworkers who have slept with the same manager it is hysterical to hear one tell the other "don't I always hook you up?"...moreso when you realize they do not know you know
3)There will be a new I Phone and it will come in pink and it may be given as a gift to androgenous Tiawanese boys
4)It may be great to lose weight but having to go clothes shopping amonst all the ingorant fucks here sucks and no, for the fourth time, I do not need my inseam measured..not even for an iphone, even if it is pink
5)People who give sarchasm (yes that's spelled right) need to be able to take it back or they too may be offered the androgenous tiawanese boy, a coke and a smile
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
is it true? things i've learned?
so what's new in hades south this week?
well yesterday I learned that
1)someone will use the line of " so you're the little package that good things come in?' and
2)sadly it did not work but it was hella funny.
3)I learned that no matter how gangster you think you are if you ar ein a Pontiac Transport minivan you are not a gangster
4)I learned that Rhianna looked like the was fightingin the octagon according to police pictures and that
5)Chris Brown musta been channeling Ike Turner and
6) it seems she liked it as they are back together and
7) going to record a duet. I have a short list of titles Id like to offer up to them as a remake would be better?
"smack my bitch up" by prodigy comes to mind or anything by Bobby Brown in the "Coke and Whitney" years might work too?
8)I learned that some people whine and cry when they must do thier own work and we call them by name :)
more to follow
well yesterday I learned that
1)someone will use the line of " so you're the little package that good things come in?' and
2)sadly it did not work but it was hella funny.
3)I learned that no matter how gangster you think you are if you ar ein a Pontiac Transport minivan you are not a gangster
4)I learned that Rhianna looked like the was fightingin the octagon according to police pictures and that
5)Chris Brown musta been channeling Ike Turner and
6) it seems she liked it as they are back together and
7) going to record a duet. I have a short list of titles Id like to offer up to them as a remake would be better?
"smack my bitch up" by prodigy comes to mind or anything by Bobby Brown in the "Coke and Whitney" years might work too?
8)I learned that some people whine and cry when they must do thier own work and we call them by name :)
more to follow
Monday, March 9, 2009
co worker day 3
He whined...he bitched and was told to be quiet and do his work. Its a shame I missed it because he throws fits like a 4 year old girl :)
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Thoughts of Saturday
O.K. So I didn't kill my coworker as Nyx couldn't find a stick big enough to meet the rule of thumb....so I was evil in a much better way. I simply left on time withouht helping to do any shift work as its not my fault his time management skills suck? So I am sure ill hear about it tomorrow but that's then and I feel good today :)
Friday, March 6, 2009
Open letter Friday part 1...
Dearest coworker,
T@+5*y I am carrying a big stick and I feel like using you as the pinata....its ok to be fucking a manager..it just shows poor taste for fucking a a woman who reminds me of a marshmallow but for fucks sake can you mabe do a tenth of the work you fucking lazy good for simply keeping the seat warm fuck? Could you possibly take more smoke breaks you real man of genius? Earth to pencil head...sharpen up fuckstick....
T@+5*y I am carrying a big stick and I feel like using you as the pinata....its ok to be fucking a manager..it just shows poor taste for fucking a a woman who reminds me of a marshmallow but for fucks sake can you mabe do a tenth of the work you fucking lazy good for simply keeping the seat warm fuck? Could you possibly take more smoke breaks you real man of genius? Earth to pencil head...sharpen up fuckstick....
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Here is my next tattoo
As I am are re enough to get tattoos in Latin here's the next one:
"Poena Par Sapientia" which in Latin means "Pain equals wisdom" and in this case it's a different kind of pain and the wisdom of clarity that pain brings. It's a mental clarity unlike any other and in my particular case it has nothing to do with inflicting or receiving pain from another. It seems that everyone has thier demons and some of us are a little more honest about what they are and when we allow them to rise to the surface and who we let see them. My pain tends to be a vicious streak that motivates me and yet holds me back at the same time. I fight it constantly and some days.... when I am feeling honest with myself (and usually in a 110 degree room) I let the demons awake.. It is just a shame I cannot do anything with them as I am exhausted after Yoga. They get put back away..always held in check by the bitten tongue
"Poena Par Sapientia" which in Latin means "Pain equals wisdom" and in this case it's a different kind of pain and the wisdom of clarity that pain brings. It's a mental clarity unlike any other and in my particular case it has nothing to do with inflicting or receiving pain from another. It seems that everyone has thier demons and some of us are a little more honest about what they are and when we allow them to rise to the surface and who we let see them. My pain tends to be a vicious streak that motivates me and yet holds me back at the same time. I fight it constantly and some days.... when I am feeling honest with myself (and usually in a 110 degree room) I let the demons awake.. It is just a shame I cannot do anything with them as I am exhausted after Yoga. They get put back away..always held in check by the bitten tongue
The interesting stuff I learn...
Yup it's Tuesday...ya know "learn it, live it and share it with those who laugh at you day"...where to start where to start...
1) Not getting a job you wanted sucks but not as bas as realizing that
2) If you had bewbies you may have had a chance...and upon some research
3) Cheap bewbies are about 3 grand but
3a) GOOD ones are much more and
3b) giant oversized stripper tits can be 10 grand
That being said I am sure that
4) Some of my freinds would say that a huge rack looks good on me which
5) Scares the crap out of me although
6) Some guy won a hundred grand by having implants for a year and
7) There is a pic of him in a shirt that says "quit staring at my tits"
8) I've always wanted one of those shirts and a new pair of tits may be just the excuse? Who knew?.....
In other news...
9) I discovered that my new favorite word I'd douchebag which
10) Leads to funny discussions on douchebag varities.
11)I can run 3 miles still which serves no useful purpose other than realizing if I had giant fake stripper tits I'd have an excuse not to run too
1) Not getting a job you wanted sucks but not as bas as realizing that
2) If you had bewbies you may have had a chance...and upon some research
3) Cheap bewbies are about 3 grand but
3a) GOOD ones are much more and
3b) giant oversized stripper tits can be 10 grand
That being said I am sure that
4) Some of my freinds would say that a huge rack looks good on me which
5) Scares the crap out of me although
6) Some guy won a hundred grand by having implants for a year and
7) There is a pic of him in a shirt that says "quit staring at my tits"
8) I've always wanted one of those shirts and a new pair of tits may be just the excuse? Who knew?.....
In other news...
9) I discovered that my new favorite word I'd douchebag which
10) Leads to funny discussions on douchebag varities.
11)I can run 3 miles still which serves no useful purpose other than realizing if I had giant fake stripper tits I'd have an excuse not to run too
Monday, March 2, 2009
the funniest comment seen in a chat room in a while was...
AND I quote : "me rove engrish it make me raff out roud"
the funniest comment seen in a chat room in a while was...
AND I quote :
| me rove engrish it make me raff out roud |
Sunday, March 1, 2009
I have no nerves left... I am tattered and frayed
And if i have to hear "So we can't get a hold of the guy from Sweden?" one more fucking time in that grating condescending tone I am going to bribe Nyxie to make me a proper prison shank and debate on using it on the worthy. Hell I may invite her alter ego to tap dance on someones soul for me...you up for it Chaos? I'll bake cookies...
I am tired... I am frayed.. my edges are worn and yet I still go on. I am dragging ever more slightly that usual and find my tolerance limit is ebbing....or is it just that intelligent, competent people are the exception?
Fuck it I want Pizza.. anyone want some?
I am tired... I am frayed.. my edges are worn and yet I still go on. I am dragging ever more slightly that usual and find my tolerance limit is ebbing....or is it just that intelligent, competent people are the exception?
Fuck it I want Pizza.. anyone want some?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)