people rant part 1

So I am thinking to myself that there's always some tool waiting just outside to harass you, scam you, jump you, or just be generally disagreeable. The thing of it is, they don't always stay outside — sometimes they come after you like a wolf at feeding time.
I have compiled a list of the ones who piss me off the most in no particular order…
The damm guy who has absolutely no idea where he is at ten o'clock in the morning in the middle of my office. Get a job you waste of life, or switch from depressants to stimulants in the morning. Whatever your trip, get off it and find something that works for you before you become another bump on the un-vacuumed floor.
I'm doing that job, and everything on the side, along with millions of other people who are by and large screwed by credit cards. So, take a flying leap MasterCard, Visa, Discover and all you other corporate inquisitors damning us to lives of toil at your command. You hold focus groups to design ads that get us to accept more cards, rack up more debt, and then you strong arm legislation through Congress to make sure we're thoroughly and completely screwed from the first missed payment to the moment our embattled hearts stop beating.
And that goes for the cell phone companies that get five hours' wages every month for doing absolutely nothing. Your phone doesn't work half the times when I need it to, the minutes I buy disappear on the 30th if I haven't used 'em, and c'mon: forty cents a minute when I go over? You'd slap me with an early life-termination fee upon my death if you could, you bloodsuckers.
And the guy that sold me that phone, that college dropout with the suit he bought at Target. I see you leering at the high school girls from your kiosk by Hot Topic. Haven't you figured out that demo camera phone yet? You keep playing with it all the time, or do you enjoy the thrill of taking pictures of fourteen year old girls THAT much? Go hit the pretzel stand and stuff your slack jaws until your stomach bursts. Your two inch obituary on page 9 will be the greatest achievement of your life. Die.
There’s the wannabe who runs around in cammo all the time acting tough 'cause he wants to be a SEAL even though he's 28 and lives in his mother's basement. Your parents got divorced 'cause your dad was ashamed of your ass, smf. Save the planet and kill yourself.
And that person in the red Scion that parks so close to my car door I have to get in on the passenger side. I'd key the hell out of your car if I could get my arm between our cars.
And if you can't relate to this go back to the south, the deep part, the part that says "Welcome to Colombia" over a manned machinegun post in the jungle, and keep going. You don't need a visa, just blow the border guards like every one else you've met. And be sure to lick the frogs, the brighter colored ones. I hope an anaconda drags you back to its hole and eats you slowly from the feet up